My cat gives me a boner
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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