i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
