i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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