This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
