Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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