I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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