yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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