today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
