i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
