I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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