So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Randomize
