watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
