I just saw a hot homeless man
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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