i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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