I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
