the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
