He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
