Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
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