Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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