i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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