The police scanner is talking about you again....
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The air taste purple.
Randomize
