Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
