Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
