I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
