I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
