let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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