There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
it's like iHOP with fire
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You dont lie about slip and slides
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
