Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
