you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
