They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
