She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize