Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
