Having a random hookup so left but love u
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
