Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
