U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
