no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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