Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
