Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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