What did we do last night that was yellow?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
