I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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