Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
