i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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