Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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