i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
