i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
