he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
