I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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