i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
