So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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