Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
