Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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