I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
