what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
