You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
