I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize