Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
