I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
