At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
