i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
