i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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