please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
