I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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