Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
