you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
