Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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